Thank you all of you for your comments. It's the only thing keeping me alive now.
I had a situation at work that made me feel mentally raped and used. Taking hope away in difficult times. I don't want to ask for help, because I can't take more from others. Not those not so close to me. It's fucking lame that I write here when I'm hopeless.
I don't know what will be tomorrow. I'm focused and scared. When you are small, when the car is going on you, the tank will magically appear in front of you to protect you. Then, you are going in the car yourself, with seatbelts and airbag. Then no seatbelts.
I am a child standing in the middle of the highway, staring at the lights in front of me. I'm really scared.